


I Died A Million Little Times

by mixtheearth



Category: Thai Actor RPF, นิทานพันดาว | A Tale of Thousand Stars (TV), นิทานพันดาว | A Tale of Thousand Stars (TV) RPF
Genre: Affairs, Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Sad, Song fic, affair, because i love folklore, burn - Freeform, cry, i love taylor swift, illicit affairs, in the feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28362276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtheearth/pseuds/mixtheearth
Summary: And you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself a million little times.
Relationships: Earth Pirapat Watthanasetsiri/Mix Sahaphap Wongratch, New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Earth Pirapat Watthanasetsiri
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	I Died A Million Little Times

**Author's Note:**

> I want to preface by saying this is a fiction that I wrote back in July and I haven't proofread it until now. I wrote it because I love EarthMix so much and I can't wait for the series to come out, anyday now. One more thing, back in July I was obsessed with folklore (I am still one LOL).
> 
> Happy reading! see you on the next one :)

# ILLICIT AFFAIRS

“that's the thing about illicit affairs and clandestine meetings and stolen stares”

MIX'S POV

“Mix, you know I only love you, right?” he said the things we always said when we're behind closed doors. I tangled up on him, and him tangled up on me. His backhug was always as warm as those bonfire one family would set up during warm summer nights.

This is what heaven will feel like, if I will ever go there. This is my heaven, on the back of his car, outside in the parking lot of this building

Before I got too lost in my mind, I quickly turned myself around facing him and hugs him. The smell of the perfume I gave him drunken me in a way no one can. I glanced up and stared at those–always so beautiful–black opal eyes.

“And I only love you, Earth, my Earth.”

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

“Mix, where were you? I've been looking all night for you”, Win said with his usual worried tone.

And before I can answer he added,

“And why are your cheeks a little red, 'you okay?”

I swear my mouth turned blind for a second before I realized and bluntly answer;

“Well the party was just draining on my social battery so much so I thought I'd go out for a walk, maybe a little run, outside for a bit, you know?” I said, and ending that sentence with a crack of laugh.

“Don't worry. I'm fine now”

Win was not impressed with my answers. The clinking sound of a spoon hitting a wine glass distracted him from attacking me with more questions. I was mentally thanking whoever made the sound, then shifting my attention to source of the sound, just like everybody on this room did.

Saying the room we were in was gorgeous would be an understatement, a disgrace, even. Gold painted the whole room, starting from the crown chandelier, gold-white marble pillars, even the threads they're using to tangle the balloons are gold.

“Good night, ladies and gentlemen. I, Podd, as the best man of one of the groom, thank you for the kindness and thoughts that you put through so that we can gather here on the beautiful engagement day......”

Oh, yeah. Did I mention that we were on an engagement party?

“Of Earth and New!.....”

Did I mention again that we are on Earth's engagement party?

After the best man said his name, my senses went blur and I only heard people cheering for them as they arrived in the room. Hand in hand, they arrived.

They look.. happy. Like the world was kind enough to make one for the other.

I put my fakest smile and stole a stare from Earth, which he exchange and quickly ignores. I cursed at myself and sighed;

“This is gonna be a long night”

.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.  
.

Midnight rolls out the second I got myself on my bed. As I lay on my escape pod from the stressful world, I said to myself;

“Well, that was one hell of a night”

I know people said that a lot when they're waking up with hangover all over their faces. But the differences with me, is that what I went through in that room was literal hell. I don't know how I went through all of it.

The small talks with them as they do the gestures couple do, talking about our regrets and hopes.

Great thing my mom taught me civility. Otherwise.........

But, I guess, years of experience will get you here. Smiling in agony as they smiling in joy.

I laughed as my tears started going down my cheeks. What were you expecting, Mix?

None.

I didn't have any expectations and I still cry. What would happen if I did have one?

Earth, you know damn well, for you I would ruin myself, a million little times.

And, you know what? I did. A million little times.

Remember when you left me to pick up your little fiancee for a damn little snack time?

Remember when you cancel our plans SEVEN times in a row because of your little fiancee decided to surprise you by going to your apartment without asking first?

Remember when you lie to me and said I'm the only one you love?

It hurts. Every time.

Maybe it's your fault for asking me to be involved in this toxic chain.

Maybe it's my fault for agreeing.

After many streaks of tears, “what ifs”, and feeling like I was out of my body, I finally came with a decision.

I got to put an end to this.

I picked up my phone, and started searching for your contact. I may add, the other contact that only I have. We sent million words of sweet nothings to each other. But tonight, I decided to send my last few words to you:

“Dear you,

If I knew that you’ll leave me the way that you did, I really wished I’ve never went to festival on the outskirts of town with Win.

I really wished I’ve never tripped that one autumn night on October.

I really wished you’d never helped me so I don’t fall to that ground full of leaves.

I really wished I'd never see New standing beside you after you helped me.

I really wished we’d never exchange our first greeting.

I really wished I’d never see your beaming smile for the very first time.

I really wished I didn't fall into your mystical black opal eyes.

I really wished I’d never ever know your name at all.

I really wished I'd never agree to meet you in Centennial Park that late January night.

I really wished I'd slap you the first time you said you've fallen for me.

I really wished that..... we were never “We”

I really loved you, Earth, my Earth.

But we're just a collition of toxic atoms waiting for the host to die and rot. In this case, the host is me.

Earth,

I want what you have with New too, you know?  
I'm sick of smiling through the agony and pain seeing you so happy with New.

I want to close this sick and twisted chapter of my life, no, our lives. Would you do it with me?

Do it for the sake of me, or New, or anyone that can decrease your ego just a tiny little bit. Okay?

This is a goodbye from me to this chapter and to everything we had.”


End file.
